Monday, June 22, 2009

Well hellooo, Captian Obvious...

I never really thought of myself as having a vastly superior intellect, until lately. Or maybe, just maybe it's just that I have common (or uncommon, as it were) sense. I don't know.

I mean, having to interact every day with some of the people I'm subjected to seriously makes me wonder how they're allowed out by themselves. I feel like a freaking genius!

True story, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Customer: "Can you hold 2 bottles of light mayonnaise for me? I'd like one in the squeeze bottle, and one in the jar."
Cashier: "Sorry, ma'am, we only carry that in the squeeze bottle."
Customer: "Are you sure? Do you have an ad in front of you? The light is the one that says 'Light' on it."
Cashier: "Yes. I'm looking at the ad. We only carry the light in the squeeze bottle."

Seriously? Oh, it says so on the package. Crap!! And all this time I've been wondering how to tell the difference. How I wish someone had told me that!! Does that mean that the Green Tea is the box that says 'Green Tea' on it?! Amazing! *eye roll*

A popular question we get is, "Where do you keep the ice?" Keep it?! Didja check the FREEZER, maybe? No? Too obvious, I guess. Well, good, because we only sell Do-It-Yourself ice kits. Bottled water and an ice tray. Aisle 5.

And obviously, it must be too difficult to tell the difference between Royal and Jell-O. Because they look so much alike. What, with Royal in a red box and Jello in a white one. *shrugs*

Customer: (said in a snotty, self-important voice) "Well, how are we supposed to know which one is on sale?"
Me: "Because the picture in the ad shows the Royal brand."

Well Helloooo Captian Obvious.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

*That's* not a Right, it's a Privilege...

Working in the public allows me to see a LOT of things that are just ... well ... wrong. Years ago, when I worked at a small amusement park, we would see so many tragic clothing choices we had to start a list of "XXX is not a Right, it's a Privilege!" **

Topping the list: Spandex. Nowadays it's not as prevalent a problem as it used to be, as people have turned in their spandex pants for jeans that are so tight that they may as well be painted on. *shudders* So, for the current times, I suppose Skinny Jeans might replace Spandex. Whoever thought those would be a good idea for the general public ought to have their heads examined. Either that or only manufacture them in sizes 0 - 6 to save the rest of humanity from that particular torture.

Then I'd have to go with: Daisy Dukes. When it looks like you're wearing denim granny panties, there's something severely wrong.

Under the same heading, Bermuda Shorts. I love them, and wish I could wear them, but apparently you have to be built like a department store mannequin to look halfway decent in them. Le Sigh.

You get the idea. We'd sit there all day and watch the throngs of people walking around wearing very unfortunate clothing choices, and wonder, "Do these people own mirrors??"

Along the same lines, something I've noticed since moving back to PA last year: The Mullet is still living on strong here. Apparently they missed the memo that mullets went out 17 years ago. Even the She-Mullet can be seen around town, although it's a bit more elusive. Oh! And, I've even spotted a rattail. Wow. Really? A rattail?? Makes me miss acid wash. Almost. ;)

**Now, I realize that there is a portion of the public that can and do wear some of these things that I'm discussing, and look perfectly fine in them, but I'm merely pointing out that just because they exist does not mean that everybody should wear them.

Saturday, June 6, 2009


Maybe if I just go back to bed and pull the covers over my head I can pretend this past 2 weeks never happened.

No luck.

No matter what I do, time keeps marching on and I feel like I've been left in the dust. Everyone else gets to keep on keeping on, and I feel like I'm frozen in time. Why?

There really is no answer, but I can say this much: the single most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with is having a miscarriage. It's kind of a taboo subject, people don't really talk about it. But, once you talk, women appear out of nowhere who have also experienced it. So, I'm dedicating today's blog to letting it all out. Not many people in my life know, but I've been so moody and unpredictable that I just need to figure out a way to balance everything. So here goes.

I found out I was pregnant on May 12. This, my friends, was a complete surprise. When the pharmacist tells you that antibiotics decrease the efficacy of birth control pills, it's no lie. Chalk that up to a lesson learned, lol. Anyhow, my first emotion was complete shock. Then terror set in as I realized that I now had to tell my husband, who repeatedly told me that he wants another baby, just not yet. Resignation followed, this was going to happen, you know? Finally, little threads of happiness started to weave through me. Another baby! Exciting! Sami will be a big sister, how cool! I very cautiously started thinking about the future. A couple weeks went by, things were good. I was exhausted, check. Moody, check. Nauseous, check. Sore boobs, check.

Then came the spotting. I had a lot with my daughter, so I didn't worry too much. Until it started happening every day. Then almost every time I went to the bathroom. So, I called the doctor. Started to really worry. Bloodwork showed levels lower than expected. This is not good. They rushed me in for a sonogram. Not good at all. Basically, the doc told me that he had no answers. It was one of two things...either I was not as far along as we thought, or it was a miscarriage. Come back next week for a follow up sonogram. As soon as I got home, mother nature answered that riddle for me. Heavy bleeding and cramps. Great. Well, at least now I know where I stand.

At least I don't have to go for surgery. My body seems to have taken care if it naturally. I'll find out on Wednesday for sure. So that's where I am. I'm actually doing better...and telling my story is quite cathartic. I know women who have had much more horrible experiences, so I feel lucky that it was this early and complete. It still sucks though.